I'm happy.
Went to Providence Place with Kendra & her dad, went shopping around.
I'm too tired to write out everything, but I bought a gorgeous leopard print belt (<3 @ clearance; $26 belt was now $12!), Kendra bought a cute expensive flannel shirt.
I had Tacobell, again, & got sick, again, haha. We stalked some random band that was wandering around, then made her dad ask who they were, haha.
Her dad got us chocolates at Godiva afterwards. Tonight was nice.
I love Kendra. :")
I'm home, happy, listening to Silverchair while spamming Ethan with pictures from today.

LOOK!


Happy, happy. :")
Btw, the people going to Rocky Horror with me are - Kendra, Tom, Jenna, Dani, maybe Dylan, maybe Nicole, maybe Jackie poo & then maybe Andy, Amanda, & Quinn if he actually asks them.
I'm excited!

I never write my own lately. I use the cache words, as I'm verifying my account. I thought it was kind of a cute hidden joke, my journal's name being words to prove I'm not a robot. ;)
I don't especially like this one's, but it was acceptable at the time. Plus, most of them are now strange German names, so I had to settle on something.

StupidFacebook:d***o.
StupidFacebook:Hahahhaaha.
StupidFacebook:d***o is no swear!
Face of Dog:d|ldo
Face of Dog:it's a toy!
Face of Dog:this is a kids game
StupidFacebook:Hahahahahaha.
StupidFacebook:>.>
Face of Dog:you'd think they go hand in hand
Face of Dog:kids like toys
StupidFacebook:Hahahahahahhaa.

I'm really tired & starting to worry more about how late I'll wake up again today. I'm doing the applications today. I got a few more yesterday. I have enough to go & spend the day busy, fixing myself.
I just wanted to say, it's funny how different my private entries are from these. I really have an odd habit of down-playing my writing, out of fear of being received. I'm trying so constantly on here to show everything, but I never really seem to be, still.
I read my other LJs, full of private entries, & I can believe I might be a writer someday, or just be proud of my writing style years from now. I read the public ones, & the difference is so tangible, you would think someone else was writing them.
I don't really like that & want to try to work on it. Honestly, I might just make this full-out private soon. Or make an LJ strictly for my own purposes. I'm feeling something new coming on.
Oh, the levels of honesty are complex.
Good night, pretties.

I'm killing myself with not being able to write properly.
I wrote out an entry, then had to private it because it didn't do any justice to what I meant to say.

Ahh, LJ, my head is going to explode & it's going to be in the newspapers how they have no idea why my brain was somehow bright green my whole life & what the fuck does that mean?

I just woke up & may now be up for the night if the cold doesn't kill me.
Wtf @ sleeping pills not ever working.

Edit:// I distinctly recall thinking "I should take my lip ring off" about 5 times as I was dazing out in bed last night, but now it is nowhere to be found & I am probably going to have to get another one now.

Tonight was nice. Good sushi, okay pizza. I ate both too fast trying to finish for once that I got abit sick.
Bussed to KP, Kendra made me coffee at 7-11 again :D, & then we wandered Providence Place, trying on dresses & shirts that should be dresses but girls pretend aren't, haha. I tried on a bikini for no reason . We both tried on all sorts of summer dresses, which we are constantly doing now, trying to find cute sundresses now, for summer & Newport.
We ended up buying a long sleeved pretty purple shirt together that we are going to wear back & forth between us because it looked good on both of us. We're cute, haha.
There wasn't anywhere really hiring, not that I tried anywhere we really went. Tomorrow, though.
I'm so sleepy now.
Tonight was nice. I like how we can just spend hours trying on clothes together & be completely happy at it, how everything we do together stays so fun & funny. We laugh constantly. Nobody knows what we're laughing at, but we do, haha.
I also love how we were in the changing room for awhile, talking through the walls about how "my boobs just don't work right in this shirt", & "I know, my boobs just don't look okay in those kinds of shirts either," "Yeah, it looks better wearing a bra," "I know! Ugh, this bikini bottom is so teeny, how do girls where this?!", "Fuck! I put it on over my head again & I'm stuck! *Boot sounds as I jumped up & down.* Please don't be stuck! >:O" lololz.
(There was also a really thick door that Kendra couldn't hear me through when she stood on the other side of it. I kept yelling, as I was stepping out of the bikini, "Get away from the door! I'm naked!" & I kept watching her shadow coming closer, asking, "What? Huh? I can't hear you!" & I just kept yelling, "Get away from the door, Kendra!" until I finally said it loud enough. Hahahaha.)
My heater still won't work & it sucks. :(
K, I'm either going to bed or taking a sleeping pill & a) going to bed, or b) writing in here as I hallucinate.

EDIT:// I do not like my Happy picture. I'm changing it.

EDITx2:// Kendra had to remind me of the funniest part of the day! I forgot to put this in, but as we were trying on clothes, the last dress I tried on was really cute but did not fit me right. I realised I got a large by accident & Kendra said she'd go grab me a small. We talked about something, me just agreeing absentmindedly. I heard her leave her stall & I asked, "Kendra? Kendra? Okay, you left." & sat there playing in the mirror waiting for her. Alot of time passed & I was still just standing there. Then Kendra says, "Em?" & I asked if she had the dress & she says, "I've been standing out here waiting for you this whole time. I thought you were just agreed you knew it'd fit & were going to just buy it without trying it on?" & I just kept laughing & laughing as I hopped out of the stupid dress. It was funny, but probably more of a had-to-be-there moment. It had been so silent & awkward as I stood there waiting for her to return, & she had been standing outside of my door wondering why I was so silent, hahahaha.
I'm laughing as I type this.

Off to Thayer for sushi & pizza with Kendra, then job hunting downtown for the rest of the night until we get distracted by pretty dresses & the like.
I'm happy.

I called!
I left a voicemail for my GED guy, & then I called the Providence Animal Rescue League about volunteering, which I just have to bring in an application & wait.
I'm all giddy because I actually picked up the phone, lolz.
I can't find the sleep study numbers, so here goes with Google.

Someone should volunteer with me! :D

EDIT:// Remind me to call Stop & Shop tomorrow & bug them.

( Okay, so maybe blue lipstick isn't scene. )

Jenna & I have been IMing most of the night.
I am exhausted, & it's good to have spent most of the night talking rather than not. :)
I am so tired. Okay.

I applied online at anywhere I could think of, & am going out tomorrow after Kendra gets home from school to go do some in person.
I'm tired, & though that usually means I won't be able to sleep, I'm hoping I'll just be normal & knock the fuck out soon.
I'm in an okay mood. If not abit down, just kind of level with myself.

Oh, makes me miserable every time.
I have too much commitment sitting inside of me at all times & it's only going to ruin everything in my head every time.

I think, LJ, I have messed up again. Though, we were all aware I was, I still felt I could handle it this time.
I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.
Just go right, just go right.

How many times can I set myself back again & accept it?

EAT SHIT

I <3 Emily


(This was either Andy or Quinn, lolz.)

I'm feeling all weird & antsy.
Kendra left abit ago, I didn't end up sleeping over her mum's today either because I'm still sick.
I'm considering actually calling someone up & asking them to sleep over because I'm too lonely & awkward to talk to them, so I need them to just sit in my bed & feel my distance & put up with me like this.

I'll admit, these are the times when I'd normally want to dial up Justin & be raving & crying & screaming into the phone until he could calm me & reason down everything that never makes sense otherwise.
I miss having an option I used.

Aiden just randomly walked a larger distance than usual, all on his own, without our encouragement, & I'm all excited & we're trying to catch him walking on film. :")

Btw, Aiden turns 11 months tomorrow!
I'm excited.
I'm going to post all about him tomorrow,
then tell you all how nervous I am for his very first birthday coming up so soon & all. :P

Good night, really.

Brand New-

3/5/09	Ryan Center @ URI, Kingston, RI
3/6/09	The Webster Theater, Hartford, CT

I'm going to atleast one of them. :)

I am in love with kendra. Dahh. I am the lesbian not her. ai swear.

Today was okay, tonight was nice.
Always some other time, LJ, always another time lately.

"Okay, I know I lie to you, but I lie to everyone!"
Some random show is on & that was just said & it made me smile.

I'm kind of awake & in a good mood.
I want to wake up Mike & talk all night, but I know he doesn't really do well with waking up in the middle of the night & there is no importance for it tonight anyway.
I want to wake up Ethan & make him Tibia with me but he never leaves his stupid speakers on.

I think I am going to put Dinosaur on again, try to crawl back into bed, & attempt to get a sleeping Mike to cuddle me to sleep.

Btw, I wanted to put this out there for awhile -
Lately, I've really hated my own writing. I try to sum up now, rather than explain. I'm trying to narrate more than share. I'm driving myself crazy with every post now & I might just have to take a break from public entries.
I don't know. I can write so much better than this. My life is so much more than this & I feel like I am doing an awful job of showing you that, & that definitely gets in my way lately.

Me & Mike are decked out in each other's pajamas & it's cute.
I just woke up from a random nap.
We spent the day doing nothing but laying around together, attempting for hours & hours to watch Meet Joe Black in between him reading up on all the stories of the Soul Calibur characters.
We ended up giddily agreeing to watch Dinosaurs after, & we both fell asleep in the middle of it after I massaged his back, I guess.
I don't know, I woke up feeling kitten cuddly, happy to be comfy & sweetly here.


I haven't been doing very well on updating you, honest.
Next entry will be full of happenings.

I woke up feeling weird immediately.
I'd elaborate, but I'd only feel bad if I did.

Well, tonight was weird.
Okay.

I'm sitting at computer crying because Mike just won't wake up.
I am always alone at these moments, the humor in knowing this as a fact never goes away.

I have done bad things in my life. I have hurt friends, I have wasted moments, I have pushed people out of my life. I have done everything teenagers do. I can be persecuted for some of my problems, but I do not feel that any were meant as badly as they are later explained to random audiences.
I am a scared person. I will run & I will push, I am prone to hurting you because I am too afraid of being hurt. I am mean & I am manipulative in my own degree. I will know what you want & I will use it against you to sly away from really delivering who I am. But I will love you if I can. I will try to give you what I am too afraid to. I want you to be different, I want to be okay with you. I will not trust you, but I will hate myself for it. I will love you & hate you & love you & it will stab me everytime I feel both simultaniously. I am not a very easy story, the things we do together will not make sense when you explain it later. I am afraid, & you won't feel it.
You will accept me until you won't anymore, then everything you once loved about me is your new weapon, all of those secrets are yours to use, every part you took from me is going to be used up now.
You won't think to realize what everything means, you will only know that I won't say it.

XBathroomXLoverX: I'd lick it.
xx eyes on fire: id clickit
XBathroomXLoverX: I'd stick it.
xx eyes on fire: i'd pick it
XBathroomXLoverX: I'd flick it.
xx eyes on fire: ..i'd dick it
XBathroomXLoverX: Why do you have to make this so homo?
xx eyes on fire: lmao

We cleaned my room, the first time in months that it has been.
We've been silly all day.
We bought each other jewelry at the flea market earlier, being the cutesy friends we are.
We played dress up, Kendra was GOTHIC! & I just wore a cheatah print dress thing. ;P
We have found that fake nose rings look fantastic on Kendra, hahaha.

Tonight was nice, we've been silly with her cam.
We took pictures for Bree together, too.

I am so tired.
This entry blows, but who cares because my son is rolling around in his sleep.

Love!

DopeHatDeadBoi: -extremesuperuberdupertothegroundspecialbreetacklesnugglecuddles-


Kendra & I are going to play dress up! :D

I dreamed of shopping on Thayer street. There was like a parade thing going on. I bought silver underwear somewhere. Then I was trying to buy all kinds of cool eyeliner from a random man, but it didn't work out for some reason, so I was looking all over the ground for dropped eyeliners, which I found tons, haha. 
At one point, I think me, Kendra, & either Mike Fredette or Ethan were walking, & we seen a "Mike Fredette establishment" & we were trying to walk by unseen or something.
That's all I recall.

Me, Kendra, my mum & Aiden are going to go to the flea market.

Btw, while me & Kendra were playing a shooting game at Monster Golf, we got silly together & kept reloading constantly, making beats together & all, just randomly.
I don't know, I just wanted to remember that because I fucking love my best friend, haha. :")

There, I said it.

We also sat in the bathroom at Panera Bread for a long time, taking pictures of her as she peed, haha.

Tonight was nice.
Kendra gave me my Valentine's Day gifts; candy, a necklace with hearts on it & a TEDDY BEAR that is chocolate scented. I love the very sweetly adorable teddy. :"D
I gave her a Mr. Potato Head, Valentine's Day edition, for our whole adventure we plan on having finding all of the Potato Heads in Rhode Island, &  a little box of various jewelry I have been collecting for her.
Then we met up with Ethan & Tom at the mall, & went to eat at Panera Bread.
On the way, we seen a tree with balloons tied to it, so Kendra demanded we stop & steal them. We did, two pretty turquoise stars. :)
We played in Iparty for awhile. Just touching everything in sight, taking tons of silly pictures, being fun on fun aisles. I have decided to spend a good load of money there soon, as well as save up for a huge cut out of the Statue of Liberty that I find myself craving to have in my room, haha.
After that, we went & I grabbed sushi to go. We tried to figure out something to do because we had planned on going to Tom's to watch Titanic, but Ethan had to leave soon.
We hung around at Monster Golf for awhile, playing games & Tom tried to win me a Nemo fish.
After finding most things closed, we headed to the theater & just hung around in there. I decided Ethan should take a very scene picture wearing my striped black & white shirt, so he did. & we played scene for abit, & he took an E! picture for me.
Tom, Kendra, & I were really all getting tired by this point. Us all having had slept only 3ish hours, basically. So we waited for Ethan's ride, then Tom dropped us off.
The day was nice, very low-key. We didn't do much or keep to our plans, & I had really wanted to make Tom cry to Titanic, but oh well, haha.

I'm tired. Kendra is already passed out.

Happy Valentines Day!

XBathroomXLoverX: I love you, pretty boy. Happy Valentines Day. You're mine. <3
DopeHatDeadBoi: i love you too lovely girl.  happy valentines day.  you're mine too.
DopeHatDeadBoi: i can't make a heart on the phone.
XBathroomXLoverX: <3<3<3<3<3 I made them for you. :P
DopeHatDeadBoi signed off at 3:03:45 PM.
DopeHatDeadBoi signed on at 3:08:05 PM.
DopeHatDeadBoi: <3

Andy: *Turns intense sad face at me.* Will you comment my default, Emily?

lolololz.

Last night was good.
I'll write about it once I get home,
but this is my very first entry written at Tom's house! :P

Aiden was just standing in his crib, facing the opposite direction from me, bouncing in place, wearing only a big red & white striped shirt.
I cooed at him, & he turned around slowly, with a random tiny black teddy bear in his mouth, which immediately dropped when he grinned at me upon sight.
Gods, my son is too cute, haha. :"D

K, there you go.
I put my lipring back in, too. :D

Hiiiiiiii. I'm on Weenie's sidekick, struggling with not being able to type with my usual vigor.
Kendra left me a good morning voicemail, like the sweet little lesbian she is. :)
I'm probably thinking I might end up leaving my hair as is; this funny faded mix would be easiest to do something about when court comes around.
I'm in a good mood, waiting to be dropped off.
K, love!

So, Weener has been terribly entertaining all night. She is loud amounts of bipolar with her boyfriend, who just sits through it & begs her to let him sleep holding her, while she is getting upset that he would even ask such a thing of her, hahaha.
I finally put a picture up of my turquoise-ish hair on Myspace. But I'm wearing a hat. Haha.
Tonight is funny. I didn't realise it was 4am until now, when it's about to be 5am.
We're going to watch Titanic.


Btw, tonight, I'm suppose to go to a party thing at Tom's.
Tomorrow is Valetine's Day!

Weener is the only person in the world that would not have one single fucking book in their room. @.@

Sleeping over Weener's tonight.
She straightened my hair for me.

"Whenever he cums in me ---"
"NO! DO NOT SAY IT LIKE THAT."
"Okay. Whenever he nuts in me --- "

lololz.

onlymike900: your kinda like a Chiwawa
XBathroomXLoverX: :O
onlymike900: cute and small, but crazy on the inside?


I thought this was one of the best descriptive sentences I've heard in awhile, funnily enough.

dogface1255: exiva "Kendra Calitri"
XBathroomXLoverX: That.
XBathroomXLoverX: Was so genius.
dogface1255: I try.
dogface1255: *bow*



Where the fuck is Kendra?! :O

I don't plan on going on & on about Mike in here.
I'm sorry for when I do.
I honestly hate that I am now so embarrassed if I do it, & I guess this puts a damper on me wanting to write.

Oh, whatever.
Quinn, Amanda, Juju, & Seth took E! pictures for me.
But none of them are scandalous. >:"(

I'm going to go watch Heroes until Mike wakes up,
then I really kind of want to go out in public for abit before he leaves.


EDIT://
I have now added a "Quinnie-bear" album to my Photobucket.
Kisses! ;)

Heroes allllllllllllll day.

For Mike's birthday, as we were both laying in my bed trying to figure out what to do, Tara walked in, trying to find her wallet that she had left.
So, we ended up showering, & Tara drove us up to Home Town Buffet & we ate while her & Amber went to her house.
I made Mike have atleast a bite of cake, so I picked out some neat chocolate chip pie thing, which he didn't like anyway, but oh well. Wish was made, whipped cream was smashed in the name of a impromptu candle. ;P
Tara picked us up & we still had time to kill but most things were closed, so we went up to a Wal-mart that is 24 hours, & wandered around.
I ended up buying Mike Season Two of Heroes, while complaining that he easily could go a few days without it so that I could buy him just more than one gift, but he has no patience, haha.
Then! Amber got dropped off because she was tired, & we rushed to the movie theater. We made it just in time, but I missed the beginning anyway because I had to pee, haha.
We watched Push, which was okay, & Mike kept turning to me & saying, "Shuttup." everytime he thought I was mocking the movie because he figured I'd find it dramatic. But it was nice, we were cuddly, & I miss cuddling in movies, haha. He held my hand the whole time, which was sweet. I also kept commenting on Dakota Fanning. I am going to kill her, for those that don't know. :"D
We walked out of the theater at exactly midnight, which I thought was funny. We also got silly little gum ball machine glow-in-the-dark jewelry on the way.
Then we came home, Tara getting sick on the way, & we immediately had sex as I was changing out of my clothes.
We threw on Heroes Season One, watched it on & off in between having more sex, than watched it for most of the night. It is pretty good, alot better than I expected from all of his describing it to me.
We made food, & I fell asleep way before him. :P

I spent $80. :P

We have slept all day. What a horrible birthday. :/
Tara was over earlier, but then we fell asleep & she's gone now, haha.

I dreamed of Quinn, Hannah, Justin, a thrift store, a weird etch & sketch thing, & a little boy that drew pictures for Hannah. o.o

I'm going to try to wake him up & hopefully we can go out for movies & dinner or something.
I feel bad. :/

About 9 hang ups later.
I hate these times.
I hate that I have to be insensitive now.
I hate that I'm the one hanging up, giving up, hating, & hurting now.
I hate that I feel like the roles are reversed but still repeated.
I hate the bad things that I have to do now, & I hate how I don't feel like myself for having to do them.
I hate that this happens & we have to accept it.
I hate that this is how a bad person is made, & how much that scares me.
I hate knowing that I am not giving real chances for the first time in my life now.

I love glancing over to see that tiny little butt up in the air, covered in adorable mini pajamas that add even more preciousness with their little feeties, that my favorite little brat splays out for all to see & "AW!" at as he tucks himself into the corner of his crib, oblivious to the toys crushed under his tummy that is going to make mummy sad when she sees the red mark from it but he still won't stop doing it anyway, & gods, my son is so fucking cute. :")
I'm going to bed, g'night.

XBathroomXLoverX: I'm tired.
XBathroomXLoverX: :P
xx eyes on fire: that never means anything coming from you so im gonna pretend you ddint say that
XBathroomXLoverX: Hahahahaha.

I win!
I commented a countdown, texted a countdown, & was the first to do both, as well as he called me at exactly midnight, before anyone else, making me first to say it in person too. & I sent him a birthday cake on Tibia. :"D
I love these stupid little things.

He's sleeping over Tuesday.

Happy birthday, big head.